OKAY .. Over the past couple of weeks i haven’t said anything to anyone about this but its going to come out somewhere and this is it..

I’m getting sick of all this fucking shit that is coming out of my mums mouth !! i have a life now, i am having fun and she is ruiening it !!.. I want to be able to live my life without her fucking it up !!
I’ve cried over this so much now!!.. I can hardly sleep and my eyes look like ive been fucking pucked!!.. This is all your fault!!

My supposedly best friend is being off with me and i don’t know why.. I’m getting sick of her changing.. She changes and won’t speak to me.. Then she changes again and comes round and expects everything to be fine !!!!

I wish i could move away forever and no-one can see me again.. I wish my family were more like a family rather then flipping world war 3 !!!!

This is getting stupid now!!.. My brother asked me to talk to my mum and see what i could do.. i tried but she didn’t want to know .. I’ve tried calling him but he doesn’t bother either.. Whats family for ey??

I think i have offically cried my life away now.. my family is in my heart and they are too deep down that i can’t get rid of them anymore.. HELP ME !!!!!!!!!!

I have tried so many times to get rid of myself but i have my friends in mind.. Without Roxy, Nyma, Joanna, Megan, Heather, Mike and Laura.. i wouldn’t be living now.. I’m sorry i tried.. I’m sorry i keep trying..

Mike i hope you can forgive me.. Sorry ..

I am HAPPY !!

I have a new boyfriend. His names Anton, he is GORGEOUS and has an amazing personality .. We connect so much and i have so much fun with him :)

ALSO !!.. Me and my mum are patching things up.. we are going to meet up at some point hopefully, she said she is going to text me but i dout it :/
At least i have spoken to her :)
All i need todois talk to my dad and patch things up!.. I don’t want to go home though, im enjoying everything too much and i enjoy having a life rather than everything getting fucked up at home :/

I’m so HAPPY !!!

OMG !!.. I called the mother last night. I was telling her i need money and she said so.. and then i said im intitled to my part of the Family Allowance! and she said and.. and i said well it illigal to accept it because im not living there anymore! WTF!! I didn’t want to take it all off of her, i just wanted abit of money to help me out abit and shes saying fucking NO !!

I’m sure your parents are supposed to help you out!!.. BUT.. Its not my parents helping me out.. Its my nanna. THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD !! Without her i wouldn’t be sain.. I think i would have finally been put in the mental hospital down the road!!

My younger sister Holly emailed me over facebook on saturday night and said “Hey, mum and dad had a HUGE arguement and dad has kicked us all out. Me and Charlotte walked to Sophies at 2.30 in the morning. I love you.” (Charlotte is my younger sister, younger then Holly and Sophie is my older sister.)
As soon as i got the email i was like OMG!!.. I was looking on my phone and i remembered that i deleted Sophies number because i was annoyed with her and then my next instict was to call Sophies boyfriends phone.. so i did and Sophie answered.. i was asking if i could speak to Holly and she said “NO” so i asked “Why” and then she was saying “You can speak to her through me” so i was saying “well its between me and Holly not you !!” by the end of it she put the phone down on me !!!

Heres me thinking that your OLDER sister was supposed to help you out !!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SOOO PISSED OFFF !!!!

WHY THE HELL ARE SISTERS SO FUCKING STUCK UP ??!!

Do you know what .. The only reason im still alive is because of my friends.. they are the only people in my life (apart from my nanna) who are actully keeping me alive.. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH.. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! :) ♥ x x

Have you ever thought about your life and wrote down all the things you thought were mistakes?

I did that without thinking about it, and i filled 5 pages back and front even though i’m only 16. It seems like everything is my fault. I don’t understand why though.

I went to go and see Fran and i was talking to her about my mum because they have stopped talking. She started talking about spirits and dreams and i told her about my dream i had.

DREAM..

Me and George was in a room. He looked was my age. We were talking about everything that had been going on in life and we were laughing and having fun talking about life. He had tracksuit bottoms on and a henleys top. I felt like we were one person having a laugh and thinking alike. I thought to myslef ‘this is how it was supposed to be’. I was scared to loose the memory. All of a sudden the lights went off. It was pitch black. I rushed to look for the light, when i found it, i turned it on and George had gone.

I woke up crying and i realised it was really happening in my head, i felt like he was trying to give me a message, asif there is something he wanted to tell me.

.. Before i got kicked out, i would wake up in the middle of the night and see white dots around me and this man would be stood with an axe tryin to chop me but he could never get past these white dots. It is like the white dots are my gardian angels. I would hear something in my head saying ‘calm down’. I think this guy is following me because i see him at Roxy’s house aswell. It’s scary.

I think i’m too scared to do anything anymore. I feel like its time to give up because i have nothing left in life to live for. It is like i have to give up now. I can’t think about how happy i am at the moment because of my mum. My dad i can live without but im on the forth week without my mum.

My Mum..

My mum is one of the best people i have ever met. She sticks up with anything. I don’t see why she hasn’t left yet. My dad has brainwashed her and she doesn’t listen to anyone anymore. It is unfair on us kids. I don’t live there anymore but i mean when i was at home and my mum and dad would argue, I would sit there and talk to my little sisters on Charlottes bed to make sure that they don’t hear anything they say. I feel like i’m letting them down by not being there. I feel like i can’t live without them anymore. THIS ISN’T FAIR !!

I think its time to talk to her. If i don’t then i’m going to have to do something about HIM!.

I went to orchestra last night .. It was okay. i dont know half the musci and the concert is in 2 weeks. HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO PULL IT OFF ??

My Nanna called me and she was really helpful. I told her my situation and she offered to help me by giving me some money. Thats a big help. I need to wait for my EMA to come trough and i will be happy :)

My mum was being a bitch .. she was asking questions about last week and why i didnt go, i was telling her i wasnt feeling well and this week im feeling alot better. shes pissing me off so much. i can’t beleive how insensative shes being, THEN .. she has the nerve to fucking put the phone down on me when i called to talk to charlotte.

Okay … I was being stupid and i did it … Sorry Laura … had to do it. I love you and all but i had to. I LOVE YOU x x x

I don’t know what it is but i’m possitive my mum hates me … I get thrown out and now she wont help me by letting my little sister give me something to help me get money. All i really want to do is cry … but i can’t because i’m in collage. What the hell am i supposed to do?

I’m fucked … I’m going to have to figure something out now. I can’t live like this anymore … Maybe that thing is the best idea yet. I’m sure Heather would understand what i’m talking about …

I feel like my world is crumbling infront of me bit by bit. what am i supposed to do now?
I can’t ask anyone for help anymore. My friends have dont too much for me in life and now they are the only family i have. Why can’t i just break down in tears and fucking drown in them?

I just want a normal life without the fucking soap opera!! … Its too late now. I think life is getting too complecated now.

If life really is a rollercoster then im going down that fast i can see the floor that im about to crash into. Maybe its time to give up. Maybe its the end of the road. I don’t see the point anymore. Wheres the razor when you need it?

I’m just gonna go home and crawl into bed and never get out. I don’t seem to have the energy anymore. This is it … The end of the road for me.

Goodbye.